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 Love Acted Out
A Letter from a Chaplain in Iraq 30 May 2004 Dear Friends, This is my third letter from Iraq. I have been working myself into the right mood to do this. Today is the day. In my last two letters I have leaned toward being as upbeat as possible. This time will be different; today I want to talk about Memorial Day, but I will start off by giving my perspective on the Abu Ghraib prison problem. First off, the investigation into the abuses at Abu Ghraib began back in January. That is why the first court martial was ready for trial in May. The senior people here knew about the investigation; the rest of us didn't. By the time the media "broke" the story, the investigation was almost done and the soldiers who had committed the abuses had already been rotated home. Second, I (we) don't see all the news coverage that you in the states see. I do see some Fox News and CNN. Fox editorializes toward the right wing; CNN is the voice of the anti-war movement. I wonder that if CNN had been around in 1942 we might all be speaking German and Japanese. I can tell you this,very thing I have heard on CNN is so biased, negative, and out-of-touch that I will never watch CNN for the rest of my life. That being said, when the rest of us found out about the abuses we were shocked and sickened. I think maybe more so than people back home because we are here; these are the people I see every day. The people I see every day who are going out to fix: schools, hospitals, reservoirs, power plants, and sewer systems. They do these things risking sniper fire and hidden explosives. These soldiers are not a handful of bad apples like those at Abu Ghraib, these soldiers number into the thousands. Now think for a second, how much have you seen about that on the news? I believe Abu Ghraib should have been reported, but when I see the fixation of the media on the actions of a few, when the courage shown in reconstruction and the restraint shown in combat by thousands of our people is never shown, I believe this is inexcusable. For the real story of what our people are doing here, go to www.cjtf7.com/index.htm. Click on Coalition News and then Humanitarian Efforts. Third, what happened on that cellblock of Abu Ghraib is what happens when leadership is not out walking around. That is true in the military or in college dorms. I haven't seen it reported in the news, but other soldiers turned in the soldiers who did this. If the dirt bags that committed those abuses had been turned loose among the troops here, it would've been ugly. I haven't heard any comments about them coming from soldiers that didn't express a hope that they would get the maximum punishment. A few leaders need to get demoted too. As for the "outrage", if you were "outraged" by this, good. I was. However, I would like to ask Arab governments and our own media elites, "Were you just as outraged by what happened under Saddam? If so, you didn't show it." Here is what people need to understand: the interrogation of prisoners of war is a little tougher than what the typical thug gets by the local police. I went to Survival, Evasion, Rescue, and Escape (SERE) School back in 1995. I am more proud of completing that course than anything I have ever done. Also, I would never do it again. After playing hide and seek with "bad guys" in California in March, we all got caught, knocked around, froze, went hungry, sleep deprived, threatened with worse, and then interrogated. Here's the deal: when interrogation is done correctly, people don't break so much as they leak. (The purpose of SERE is to teach you how not to leak. That is the classified part of the school.) The interrogator wants them to leak in a way so that the prisoner doesn't even know he is leaking. When someone breaks, as opposed to leaking, they usually give out a data dump of gibberish and then physiologically shuts down. A good interrogator avoids that. If you hurt them or scare them too badly, they quit leaking. Interrogators ask the same question about ten times, ten different ways. Disoriented people leak and they don't even know it. What most Americans think of when they think of POWs being interrogated is what they remember of our pilots in North Vietnam. The abuse our people went through in Vietnam wasn't to get intelligence; it was to exploit them for propaganda purposes. I mention this to put the term "abuse" in context. When a terrorist here in Iraq or jaywalkers back in the states report jailhouse "abuse," what does it mean? When we catch a guy red-handed restocking his weapons stock and question him, withholding his TV privileges isn't enough. He won't be happy, but neither will he be destroyed or scared for life. He will tell his buddies, "I didn't tell them anything." In fact he will have told us a lot. As I said, I had to work myself into a mindset to talk about this. To work around horror without letting the horror seep into your soul is a spiritual battle. This week I worked with a National Guard soldier who had to clean up after a convoy of civilian aid workers who were killed when an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) went off on the road into Baghdad. He is a carpenter in civilian life, but this week he was out on a highway picking up arms and legs while watching out for snipers. He was cleaning up after monsters. Some other young Americans were put in charge of guarding monsters and then became monsters. Care of the soul is serious business. That is part of the reason why I became a Navy Chaplain. The other reason is the people. The folks I have known in the military are more interesting to be around than anybody else I know. This leads me to Memorial Day. Earlier this month I went to Camp Cooke at Taji. (To lend perspective, Taji is really north Baghdad; I am in west Baghdad.) The 39th Brigade (Arkansas National Guard) is stationed there. I didn't know any of them, but I wanted to see my home-state Guard here in Iraq. So I badgered my way into flying up there for two days. They are stationed in the old Iraqi army air defense school. Unlike downtown Baghdad, the old air defense school was turned into rubble. It is getting better, but it was like living in a junkyard. Their first month in Iraq was tough. These soldiers patrol the roughest part of Baghdad. While I was there, the Chaplain of the 39th told me this story: One of the old troopers who came was a 52 year-old Sgt. who had already done his 20+ years and had retired. But his son was in the 39th, and when the father found out they were coming over here, he reenlisted. On their first week in country, Camp Cooke was attacked by rockets and the first rocket that landed killed the father. I was born in 1958 and came of age when the Vietnam War and the anti-war movement were both in full swing. It has taken me years to put this into words, but I believe that as bad as that war was, the legacy of the anti-war movement was worse. The anti-war movement gave rise to the moral superiority of non-involvement and non-commitment. While that may have worked to help draft-dodgers sleep at night, it's not much of a strategy of how to go through life. Taken to its logical conclusion the message is: don't commit to your county, don't commit to your spouse, and don't commit to your kids, church, or community. Don't commit to cleaning up your own mess or any cause that demands any more from you than rhetoric. This was the mindset in which our country was firmly stuck. Until 9/11, then some woke up. Kids came down and joined the service. To the dismay of some of their teachers, parents, and the media elites, they came down here and raised their hand in front of the flag. And they are still coming, to the shock of the non-committers. The Marines have more enlisting than their two boot camps can handle. And we are all here together for Memorial Day 2004. Old National Guardsmen, grandfathers, and single moms, Texans and Mexicans, Surfers and Rednecks. A few weeks ago an Illinois National Guardsman, other of three, was hit six times, saved by her body armor, but lost part of her nose. She stayed on her 50 caliber, firing on the bad guys, protecting the convoy. She said she was thinking of her kids and the guys she was with. Commitment is love acted out. It is sad that the non-committers missed that. They and heir moral high ground haven't been near a mass grave. The kids I see and eat with every day still want to help this country, in spite of getting shot at while doing it. That is love acted out. You either get it, or you don't. During my time in Iraq, I won't be able to see any of the Biblical sites that are here. But a few weeks ago in Taji I got to stand on some holy ground, where a father died when he went to war just to be with his son. Click on the NEWS for access to website www.cjtf7.com/index.htm  Take a ride with Charity, hear her story and then decide if taking two seconds to buckle up is worth it! This is A True Story I was only 19 years old when I climbed into the car of an inexperienced 17 year old driver, when we headed down a back road. As we talked, she realized that she crossed over the center line and tried to get back into her own lane. The car was traveling about 80 miles an hour when we drove into a ditch. I was immediately ejected out of the car and almost severed my foot between the dash board and the wind shield. The car flipped over five or six times and hit me over the head. Later they found my hair on the bumper. After the victims were loaded into the emergency vehicles, the driver of the car realized I was missing. It turns out that I had been thrown 150 feet and landed in a corn field. Fortunately, the ambulance driver found me face down in the dirt. As they lifted me into the ambulance to take me to the hospital, I remembered taking a big breath of air. Then I heard them call my mother at work. When she arrived at the scene, I noticed she was crying as she ran over to me. I wanted to tell her how badly I was hurting and that I loved her, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. The lifeline helicopter normally used for emergencies was unavailable, so we went by ambulance to a hospital that specializes in severe head injuries. I could hear those around me saying, I wasn’t going to make it. I guess they were probably aware of how badly my injuries were at the time. Never the less, I did survive, suffering from eight facial fractures and was comatose for about 4 ½ years. I was pregnant at the time of the accident. Within a month, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My mother had to come up with a name for him, considering my condition. She named him Nathaniel, which means, “Gift of God.” I cannot believe that he only lived for a few short hours. During that time, I was unable to hold him, kiss him goodbye or even attend his funeral. Instead of driving my own car, I ended up being lifted into a van as I sat in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. Occasionally, I could move parts of my body, as I could not speak or swallow. Needless to say, I felt like a baby. My mother knew that I missed some of the simple things in life, like drinking a coke. She would place a few drops in my mouth so I could enjoy it. I was only 24 years old when I let out my last breath, as my mom held me in her arms. Now she tells everyone about the importance of wearing your seat belt and says that one person can make a difference. She doesn’t want to see anyone suffer, like I have suffered. I know she has also endured a tremendous amount of grief and sorrow because of what happened and my not being with her anymore. The driver of the car has to live with the pain and guilt of knowing two people would be alive today if only she would have said to buckle up or we’re not going. In fact, she would have been my mom’s hero that day, but that never happened. I guess we both took it for granted. If I had to do it all over again, I would have taken two seconds to buckle my seat belt. My decision affected not only my own life, but the life of my child, other family and friends and of course, my mother. I wish that I would have buckled up for those who loved me. It took only one time, not wearing my seat belt for the quality of my life and those I love to change forever. I never thought this would ever happen to me. My mom calls Nathaniel and I her “seat belt angels.” Because of our deaths, we are able to save lives. She wants everyone to be a Seat Belt Angel and says that you could be a hero to someone else’s mother, just be telling every passenger to buckle up. Their lives could depend on it. Mom says that by thinking it can’t happen, you could be dead wrong. You still have time to make a decision every time you ride in a car. I hope you take two seconds to “buckle up” and be my mom’s hero. Be a Seat Belt Angel, you’re worth it! Written by Charity’s mother, Vickie Mally. angelchai@mho.com 720 944 1379 “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” Psalm 91:11 “Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourself were suffering.” Hebrews 13:1-3 “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 “Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. “ 1 Peter 3:8 About Seat Belt Angels The Seat Belt Angels goal is to save as many lives as possible, to prevent death and life changing injuries, so no one has to suffer as Charity did for a little over 4 years. Charity's death is not in vain as long as we get this urgent message out. Our Angels are needing wings, halo's, and T-shirts for different activities that we attend to bring awareness to one of the most important things you can do when you get into a vehicle. We are also in need of printed pamphlets called "Charity's Decision" in color because of the impact it has. Thank you for your support, Vickie Vickie Malley and the Seat Belt Angels City & County of Denver Department of Human Services 80 South Santa Fe Drive Denver, CO 80223 720 944 1379 angelchai@mho.com By Melody Ellenberger In last month’s article we looked at the origins of a negative attitude toward marriage. This month we’re focusing on how to begin looking at marriage in a positive light. Whether or not at this time you intend to ever be married/married again, this is a concept that requires greater understanding if you hope to experience a healthy, lasting relationship. I believe a positive attitude toward marriage is necessary as marriage is about two people sharing their lives with the foundation of a deep, lasting commitment. And let’s be honest, most singles yearn to share their lives with someone. Most singles do not want to continue a pattern of short-term relationships for the remainder of their lives. Most singles do not want to pile up heartbreaks and end up with layers and layers of resentment. Now, let’s look at the steps toward developing a positive attitude toward marriage: STEP #1: COME OUT OF DENIAL! "You can’t help anyone who doesn’t believe they have a problem." If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, "I don’t have a problem with marriage. It’s fine for some people—it’s just not for me." Well, why is it not for you? I believe the reason many singles avoid marriage is because they don’t believe it will be a happy experience. And where did that belief come from??? Hmmmm??? Yep, old wounds still lingering in the memory banks of your brain. People remain in denial because it is the easy thing to do. Facing a problem can be difficult and takes work, right? But the rewards of moving out of denial and toward healing are worth it. STEP #2: Move toward healing by making a list of 5 to 10 experiences in your life that have led you to believe that marriage would be an unhappy existence. To give you a starting point, here’s the list from last month’s article: Memories from previous marriage Memories of parents’ marriage TV shows Commercials/ads Movies Song lyrics Married friends’ put-downs of their spouse/marriage _______________________________________ Once you’ve completed this list, I want you to perform a burning or paper-shredding ceremony and say good-bye to those experiences. (If you’re a regular reader of my articles, you’ve probably noticed that I occasionally give you homework.) STEP #3: Read a book or story that sheds a positive light on marriage. I would highly recommend you read the book, A Case for Marriage written by L. Waite and M. Gallagher. (I’m just about finished with the book myself—hence the articles…) STEP #4: Move toward positive influences by watching the TV shows & movies that uphold the sanctity of marriage. There really are movies that portray happily married couples who remain faithful to each other throughout the movie. STEP #5: Find a happily married couple and get to know them. If you don’t know anyone who fits this description, ask your friends, relatives or minister to suggest someone. Ask them to have lunch with you and tell them that you’re working on a special assignment for a class and that you would like to interview them about their relationship. Ask them how they met (couples love to tell their story) and ask them to tell you what they think is the best thing about being married. This couple may end up becoming a positive influence in your life—and who knows, they might even know someone that would be compatible for you. A "graduate" of my workshops (who is currently engaged to be married) had this to say after reading my July article, and I can’t think of a better way to end this article: "The so-called dull and boring feeling is simply mislabeled…it is the foundation of love consisting of comfort, reliability, a healthy needing of each other and personal responsibility. I have learned that each stage of relationship that I used to be scared of…is actually more exciting than I ever could have imagined. The quiet times (or less passionate and exciting times) are times of resting in knowing that the relationship is solid, forever, comfortable in a wonderful way (a way that it will always be there), and solid in commitment. I used to laugh at couples that sat in restaurants, didn’t talk to each other and had solemn looks on their faces. What I have come to realize is that they don’t always have to talk and interact…often it means that they are totally content with each other’s company and that’s all they need to feel their love, passion about each other and commitment." Proverbs 14:30 – A heart at peace gives life to the body. Melody Ellenberger Certified Training Specialist www.singlesworkshops.com 303.750.2208 "Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, and dance like no one is watching." | Power of Prayer | Michele's Message | Poetry in Motion | Singles Seminars | Ask the Angels | | Return Home | Singles Events | Dance Links | A Spiritual Journey | Wellness | Business Services | Classified Ads | |
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